Pregnancy is a period of huge emotional and physical change. As such, the idea of sexual intimacy probably hasn’t been at the forefront of your mind, both in the later stages of pregnancy and after birth. However, if you’re now at a stage where you feel this is something you’d like to explore again, then it can be daunting to know where to start.
It’s natural to feel differently about sex once you’ve had a baby, and you may be struggling to know how to connect with your partner in a way that works for both of you. In this blog, we share a few tips that can help you both rebuild a physical connection.
Make sure you’re both ready
Of course, there’s a requirement to be physically ready for intimacy after birth. Your physician will be able to help you with this – the time period is typically around six weeks, but it really depends on your individual birth experience.
What we’re talking about in addition to this is ensuring that you’re emotionally ready. Sex requires vulnerability, and this can be challenging after going through such a big life event. You may feel anxious, and your partner may be worried about causing you discomfort if they touch you. If you are feeling anxious, there are plenty of online resources which can help you understand how you’re feeling, such as this one from Happy Mum, Happy Baby. It’s a completely normal feeling, and doesn’t mean an end to your relationship.
Communication is key to ensure that sex is something you’re both comfortable trying, and for establishing a way to stop if one of you is unsure. While it does happen, it’s more likely that you’ll be approaching sex with some hesitation, and that’s fine. What’s important is that neither one of you feels forced before you’re ready.
Rebuild intimacy and connection
Sex and intimacy isn’t just about physical penetration. While it can feel like that’s the main goal, there are plenty of other ways to be intimate with each other, as suggested in this Lovehoney guide. Rebuilding your physical and emotional connection with each other after a baby should be taken at a speed you’re comfortable with, and provides a chance to recalibrate and discuss what you’re both interested in.
For women in particular, it can be hard to jump straight into bed and feel ready for sex without a build up. Reintroducing the idea of intimacy by cuddling on the sofa, for example, or by kissing your partner throughout the day, can help your brain get used to the idea of sex before it happens. Reconnecting over shared hobbies can also remind you why you fell in love with your partner in the first place, and why you find them desirable.
Don’t be afraid to schedule
Scheduling doesn’t sound sexy – but when you’re trying to balance life with a newborn, it might be key. Setting aside time to be intimate or even just spend time as a couple can stop you both pushing it aside and get you back into the swing of things. Once you’re more used to being intimate again, you’ll likely find that sex happens more spontaneously; but after a long period of time without it, scheduling might be the way to ensure you’re prioritizing this aspect of your relationship.
More generally, proper scheduling and delegation of “life admin” can help ensure that both partners have the headspace to consider sex. When you’re feeling tired and burnt out, your body is not in the right mindset for sex. Ensuring that household responsibilities are shared
in a fair way can stop the load being too one-sided. This can be challenging, but it’s important to sit down and have this conversation with your partner before any resentment builds.
Rekindle the spark
Reviving your sex life is all about working together as a couple – it’s a shared experience, and one you should wait until you’re both ready for. You may feel hesitant at first, but working on rebuilding this side of your relationship will help ensure you see yourselves as a “couple” as well as “parents” – whatever form that intimacy takes.
