Sex-pert blog

So You Want a Threesome? Here are Questions to Ask

A couple desiring a threesome is not uncommon at all. For years, sexual fantasies revolving around two women and a man or two men and a woman have fueled penthouse letters, erotic videos, and steamy bedroom talk among couples. Some desire a threesome to simply spice things up while others have held the fantasy for years. If a couple shares with me that they desire a threesome, I affirm their open communication and trust to share their fantasies with one another but I also know that a lot of other questions need to be asked and answered between them. If you want a threesome as a couple, here as questions you need to ask one another.

1. Will it be with a guy or a girl?

Yes, it is very common for a man to want to experience two women at once. It has been that way for a long time. Some women love the idea too, as they find other women attractive or they are turned on by seeing their husband in a new and erotic situation. But come on guys — you have to at least consider that a threesome may mean another man instead of another woman. Your wife may find the idea of being desired by two men very stimulating. Both experiences can be hot for the couple, but you have to begin with the basic question — will the third be another man or another woman?

2. What type of guy or girl do we imagine?

Some couples want something different. A man may be married to a professional businesswoman and think a sexy girl with tattoos will be the perfect threesome partner. A woman may be married to a banker and desire to have an experience with someone very different than her husband. Others may prefer someone just like their partner, or as close as possible, because the fantasy is about two at the same time! Have sexy conversations about what type of person you are looking for.

3. Do we want a stranger or someone we know?

This is, in my opinion, the biggest question to ask. Someone you know can provide a sense of comfort and chemistry that may already exist after months of casual flirting. Yet someone you know can also feel very risk: “What if they say no?” “What if they tell someone?” For this reason, some couples chose to place an ad on a swinger site and go the stranger route.

4. Where will we play?

Do we want the play to be at our home where we can more easily relive the memory? Or do we want the experience to be at a hotel so the person does not know where we live? Important question you must answer!

5. Will it be just once?

You may think this is a premature question but imagine the sex was hot and steamy and everyone had a great time. As the night is concluding, the third person asks, “Do you want to plan to do this again sometime soon?” What do you say? If it is going to be a one time thing only (at least for now), then it is best to state that upfront in the conversations so that everyone is on the same page.

I always encourage my clients to go for their fantasies and allow each other to share your inner thoughts. Doesn’t mean it has to be done the way you share it but speaking about it leads to intimate communication where you can maybe figure out another way that may work for both parties. If you keep them bottled up inside, they can become a distraction and something you always will wonder about. I also encourage my clients to really think it through! If you, as a couple, need some help thinking through this — you can schedule a session with me so we can discuss the pros and cons as well as the right way to get it done so you keep your relationship as the most important thing!

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